Murphy's laws on marriage


The first law of marriage

It is always your spouse's fault.

This contract will cost you dearly.

Conversations are cheap. Wedding rings are not.

The marriage trap

It is much easier to get married than to leave.

Chances of marriage

1. A single 30-year-old woman has only a 20 percent chance of getting married.

2. A single 35-year-old woman has only a five percent chance of getting married.

3. A single 40-year-old woman is more likely to be killed by a terrorist.

Proposal to get married

Your prospects are pretty bleak if the only people begging you to get married are your mother and father.

The dilemma: to borrow or to love?

Never marry for money. It will cost you less to lend them.

A funny thought about having fun

If married life were supposed to be fun, this business would not start in church.

Fairy tale

In fairy tales, he and she passionately fall in love with each other, get married, and then all their lives until a ripe old age, they live and live happily and make good. That is why such stories are called fairy tales.

All good things come to an end

Marriage is the fastest way to ruin a good relationship.

Analogy with "horse and carriage"

The English say: "Love and marriage go together like a horse and a carriage." Tell me honestly, when was the last time you saw a horse and a carriage, and even in pairs?

Love and marriage law

Love is the ideal. Marriage is a reality.

From the ophthalmologist's report

Love may be blind, but marriage truly opens people's eyes.

The logical consequence of being overly enthusiastic

Some women are at first thrilled for some unknown reason, and then marry him.

Marriage exchange

When you get married, you trade the attention of many for the carelessness of one.

Repetition of the courtship process

If men, after marriage, continued to act in the same spirit as during courtship, there would be fewer divorces, but more bankruptcies.

Debt criteria

Marriage is a serious commitment. This is best understood by those who are long overdue to get married.

Marital difference, or two big differences

The most important difference between men and women is that women want a husband and men want a mistress.

The dining dilemma

Married men want to come home and find food on the table. Married women also dream about the same.

Lapse of memory

You remember very well when and where you got married, but you are unable to remember why and why you did it.

The story of the fish that swam

The woman you almost married at one time does it much better than the one you actually married.

The man you almost married at one time does it much better than the one you actually married.

The secret of success

Many men have achieved success in business thanks to their first wife, and they achieved their second wife precisely because of success in business.

The love / sex / marriage paradox

1. Love without marriage is dubious and unreliable.

2. Sex without marriage is dangerous.

3. Marriage without sex is depressing and melancholy.

Snoring syndrome

The spouse who snores the loudest always falls asleep first.

On the second round

The older a man is, the younger his second wife is.

The secret to a successful marriage

The marriage would have a much better chance of success if the bride married the groom's best friend - for that he is the best - and the newlywed himself, as he should, enter into a new marriage.

Lack of money

Money can't buy love. But money can buy a very fashionable wedding.

Loopholes in vows at the altar

When the texts of the wedding vows were written at the altar, with their help, some of the loopholes were closed, for example:

1. In wealth or in poverty.

2. For better or worse.

3. In sickness or health.

But at the same time they forgot something:

1. In fatness or thinness.

2. Sane or insane.

Communication at the altar

By the time you say, "I promise," you've probably done a lot of what you now promise.

Honeymoon opinion

Everyone says that when young people are on their honeymoon, there is much more going on in their lives than sex ... but no one can remember what it is.

Wedding nightmares

Here are the reasons why sex never works out on their wedding night:

1. You try to do it at a time when you usually sleep for a long time.

2. Both of you are drunk as shoemakers.

3. It is difficult to perform a maneuver that requires a sense of balance, a sense of rhythm and a subtle impressionability, when the bed is shaking under you.

Economic riddle

After a married couple combines two salaries into one and begins to live in one place, the spouses will have less free money at their disposal than each of them had when they lived on their own.

The prediction of the miser who saves a penny

They say that two people can live on the same money as one. Lies.

Axiom of consent

A married couple for the last time in their life expresses a unanimous opinion on any issue during a church wedding ceremony, when both say: "I agree."

Subtle semantic difference

1. You call it "expressing your feelings."

2. He calls it "nagging" or "nagging."

Difference in growth rates

After marriage, each of the spouses is sure that he is growing and changing faster than the other.

Participation factor

1. Sex is one of the few types of conjugal activity where both partners can participate on an equal footing.

2. Another type of such activity is a quarrel.

The best way to start a fight

1. To take any event that happened in the house as a personal insult.

2. Blame your other half for what happened.

3. Raise your voice, start pointing and gesturing.

4. And then say: "You started this scandal!"

Contraceptive

The best contraceptive is a good fight.

Consequence

If married couples did not go to bed angry with each other, they would never be able to get even a little sleep.

Phillil Diller Council

Never go to bed angry. Get up and swear.

Soap surprise

The more soap operas you watch on TV, the better your marriage looks in your eyes.

Not everyone gets sawed

You always saw exactly the one you love.

Pairing error

Couples do pick up in heaven, but if a couple makes a bad contact, the fuse blows, an explosion occurs, they fly head over heels from heaven to earth - and we see another, down-to-earth version of the Star Wars series.

Solution to the problem

Don't go to bed with your problems ... sleep in separate beds.

Adultery, or who likes what better

People prefer to change rather than change.

Symptoms of cheating

He probably has an affair if it takes him two hours to buy a newspaper at the corner kiosk, plus half an hour in the bathroom before and after.

Reveler Syndrome

Whoever walks young will skip his whole life in smoke.

Best revenge

When a woman steals your husband, the best revenge is to let her live with him.


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