Medical merphology

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Six principles for patients

1. If the doctor knows what your discomfort is called, this does not mean that he knows what it is.

2. The more boring the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait.

3. On vials from medicines should not be written "Keep away from children", but "Keep away from adults."

4. On the last day of medication, there are either no pills at all, or there are too many pills left.

5. If your health is improving, it is probably because the doctor is getting worse.

6. The medicine, which must be taken simultaneously with food, will taste the most unpleasant.


Even water is unpleasant to drink if a doctor has prescribed it.

Matz's caveat

Beware of a doctor who can easily extricate himself in case of trouble.

Matz's Rule of Drugs

A drug is a substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific result or article.

Cochrane aphorism

When receiving a referral for analysis, think about what you will do if the result turns out to be:

a) positive,

b) negative.

If the answers match, there is no need for analysis.

Lord Cohen's commentary

The availability of an operation is not yet an indicator that it should be done.

Telesco nursing laws

1. All televisions are located at the other end of the room.

2. The talent of a doctor is inversely proportional to the ability to get to see him.

3. There are two types of adhesive plaster: one that cannot be glued, and one that cannot be removed in any way.

4. All require an injection at the same time.

5. Those who did not allow to put it at the appointed time require an injection when sleeping pills are distributed.

Bernstein's indication

The national flower of radiologists is the bush.

Barach's rule

An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than their doctor.

Davis law

If your condition seems to be improving, then your doctor is probably getting sick.

The principle of any clinic

The longer you hang out in the doctor's office, the more likely you will be sent to another place where you have to wait for an appointment again.

Barron's Law

If a doctor becomes seriously ill, it is always in his own specialty.

Sweeney's Rule

Patients in need of urgent help are brought in only on days when it is impossible to contact you.

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